


Losing You

by yourhoboswitness



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drugs, Egobang - Freeform, M/M, Starbomb - Freeform, basically just past and mention of drugs though, ninja sex party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-03 23:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhoboswitness/pseuds/yourhoboswitness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Arin just completely vanishes off the face of the earth. And only Danny can remember who he was. Despite his life appearing to be better without him, Dan pushes to find the answer that will bring Arin back.</p><p>UPDATE 5/26/2016: IT'S BACK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. exhausted but happy

**December 10, 2014**

**_4 am_ **

“Okay, talk to you later, guys.”

“Bye, Brian!” Dan waved goodbye as he shut the computer in his lap. He lightly smiled as he placed it on the coffee table in front of him, leaning back into the couch. He looked over at Arin, who had his head leaned back and his eyes shut, but Dan could tell that he wasn’t asleep yet. Danny nudged his shoulder, but Arin just groaned in response. “Come on, Arin, you still have to drive me home.”

Arin placed a hand over his eyes and just shook his head no. Dan tried to push his shoulder again, but Arin fell with the second push, letting his body fall and laying his head against the armrest of the couch.

“Dude, we gotta—”

“No, man. Unless you wanna die in a fucking car crash, I’m not moving,” Arin groaned, refusing to open his eyes.

Their new album, Player Select, was supposed to release in less than a week. Tonight was the night that they finally finished the last track, just a little thing to put in the middle to dick with the audience. After months of late nights chatting and jamming with Brian, they were really done. Just a couple boring things to take care of and a bit of layering, but Brian was going to take care of most of that and send it to them.

Danny smiled, a weight lifted off of his shoulders. He was nervous for fan reactions, and of course he was scared that all of their late nighters weren’t going to pay the bills. But he guessed that he would just have to see.

Realizing that he could finally sleep, he definitely didn’t mind not moving either. He rubbed his face and brushed falling hair out of his eyes. He looked over to Arin again, who was beginning to curl his legs into his chest.

Dan stood up and sighed, walking over to the light switch on the wall to shut it off and to lock the door. He walked to the bathroom and opened the cabinet to pull down some blankets and walked back over to his friend on the sofa.

“Dude, you’re as big as this couch, where am I supposed to sleep?”

Arin opened his eyes since the light was finally out and looked up to Dan, observing his shadow in the now pleasing lighting. He removed his hand from his face and silently patted the area of couch in front of him. Dan sighed again, throwing on the blankets over Arin, who hardly adjusted to it. Danny plopped down, and layed his head next to Arin’s on the armrest, and shifted to fit the blanket over his long, lanky legs. Arin shifted back into the couch to give the taller man more room and curled his arm over his chest. Danny leaned back into him, his back against the younger man’s chest. If either of them hadn’t just been awake for the past 50 hours, one of them would have made some stupid joke about how they’re straight up cuddling right now and how fucking gay that was. But the truth was that they were straight up cuddling on a couch and it was gay as fuck.

They could barely move once their bodies relaxed and the only thing on both of their minds was that they were so goddamn comfortable and so goddamn tired. They weren’t moving for anything, and joking about it at this point would just be lying to themselves. They both wished that they could stay like this forever.

Arin woke up first, Danny’s body pushing him against the back of the couch and practically suffocating him. He sat up, looking at the clock on the wall to reveal that it was already half past noon. He looked down at Dan, and pushed the curls out of his face in hopes it would wake the other up. Dan was out.

Arin stepped over him and went to the bathroom, keeping his blanket over himself for warmth. He came back, and thought of really waking Dan up, but knew that he needed the sleep more than Arin did. He went to the fridge, and closed it again almost immediately, going back over to the couch. He sat on the floor, leaning his head back against the armrest Dan was using as a pillow. Arin grabbed the laptop and decided to order a pizza. There was no food at the office, but he couldn’t just leave since he was Dan’s ride. He got to the website and checked out two large pepperonis, figuring Dan would wake up once food was put in front of him.

While waiting, he played 2048, the customized version with pictures of doge instead of actual numbers. It was mindless, but his brain was too fried after all of the working that he and Dan had been doing lately. Sure, it had been bringing them closer together as friends; they saw each other at all hours of the day lately, working on Player Select and Grumps, and they had only recently finished Guild Grumps. All of the project kept them pretty busy, but were also super stressful, especially since they were all at once, but Arin and Danny had both been happy to do them together. The way that they made each other laugh was unlike anything else, and that made it all worth it. They were so genuine with each other, and were able to bounce all sorts of creative ideas off of each other. The joy they brought each other was so much more important than anything else their work brought them.

Dozing off while playing his game, Arin heard a knock at the door.

“I think that’s for you,” Dan said calmly behind him.

Arin turned back. “Dude, how long have you been watching me?”

“I don’t know, man, you’ve been playing this for a while.”

Arin groans, and places the laptop down on the floor in front of him. He stands and reaches down to the table for his wallet. “Well, I guess you haven’t been up that long since you don’t know who that is.”

Dan rubs his eyes and sits up as Arin walks to the door and exchanges his money for the pizza. Danny smiles excitedly as Arin sits next to him of the couch and places the two pizzas on the table. The simultaneously open the box and grab separate pieces, silently sitting back and leaning their shoulders together. Arin takes the blanket, still wrapped around his shoulders, and places it over their legs. Neither of them plan on going home soon, but they’re not going to get any work done today either.

Despite being able to finally sleep in, they’re both too tired to do anything productive. Danny feels like he could sit like this and never go home. They haven’t been able to just chill in a while. They played a lot of Sonic Boom lately, which was fun for Dan at least, but for Grumps he had to think on his feet, thinking of constant jokes for hours. And writing for Starbomb had been no different. But now he was able to sit back and actually just hang out with Arin.

And it felt nice.

They sat on the couch for hours, talking quietly and deeply about anything and everything, until the pizza became cold. They finally finished the two boxes that evening, whilst watching reruns of Friends together. At eight, Arin finally called it a night and threw the blankets back in the bathroom cabinet. Danny threw away the boxes, and the walked with each other out to Arin’s car. Arin drove Dan home, and they sat and talked casually, just about stupid shit and how happy they were that they were finally done with Player Select.

Arin pulled into the driveway for Danny’s house, and they both stopped talking. Danny looked up to Arin, and let out a deep breath.

“Thanks for the ride, man. Today was pretty great.”

“Yeah, dude,” Arin smiled.

Dan returned the smile. He grabbed Arin’s hand in his. “No man, really. I don’t know how I would have gotten through the past couple of weeks without you. I’ve been super stressed, and I needed today.”

“Whatever, man. Now go to sleep, you still fucking need it. We got a grump session tomorrow,” Arin answered in his condescending tone. He sounded like he didn’t care, but after the statement he squeezed Danny’s hand in his and smiled.

He really did care.

Dan laughed, easily reading him. “Yeah, man. I’m going.” He opened the car door and stepped out. He definitely did need to go to fucking sleep.

Through the open window, Arin called out, “Love ya’, dude! See you tomorrow!”

Danny laughed again, waving goodbye and going inside.

Barry greeted Dan as he walked inside, pretending to be a concerned parent and asking where he had been all day, but Dan shrugged him off, apologizing, and walked to his room. He was suprising tired after a day of doing nothing, and fell asleep only minutes after lying on his bed. His last thought before he passed out was of Arin squeezing his hand telling Danny, though humorously, that he actually loved him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter, now its much cleaner and I'm much happier with it. Hope you enjoy the rest of this.


	2. who

**December 11, 2014**

_**10:30 am** _

The next morning was calm. Without the stress of deadlines and sleep deprivation, Danny was able to wake up as slowly as he wanted. He layed in his bed for what felt like an hour, soaking in the alone time he rarely had anymore and listening to the sounds of morning outside his window. However, his relaxation came to an end when he heard the sound of a loud series of crashes and yells in the room over. He groaned and tossed his blanked to aside, deciding to check the source of the sound.

He walked to the kitchen to find Barry bent over, picking up fallen pots and pants off of the floor whilst cursing to himself.

Dan rubbed his eyes, pretending to be groggy and upset about the wake up call, despite already being awake. “Well, that’s one way to wake a man up,” he lightly laughed.

“Yeah, well, I’m too short,” Barry laughed back. “We need to move our pots somewhere that I can reach them.”

“Nah, that was a good alarm,” he said, leaning down to pick up the last couple of pans. “Plus, I assume this means that there is breakfast in the works?”

Barry sighed. “Yeah… you want eggs?”

“Yeah, man,” Dan said, opening the fridge. “I’ll even help you.”

“Go sit down, you’ll just burn them.”

“You can’t burn eggs, Barry!”

“ _You_ can!”

Danny laughed, finally grabbing an orange and walking past Barry to the connected living room. He leaned back on the recliner, picking at the fruit and setting pieces of the peel on the side table.

“Whatever man, just tell me when the grub’s ready!” Dan called.

Barry didn’t mind making them breakfast, since he was the only one in this apartment actually good at it. He took his time in the kitchen, but it wasn’t long before he came in the living room and set a plate of eggs onto Dan’s lap, scoffing at the orange pieces sitting on the side table.

“I’ll pick those up in a second,” Danny laughed, picking up his fork and digging in. Barry just shook his head, and they sat in silence, eating their scrambled eggs. “I have to go the office. We gotta to record today,” Dan mentioned after swallowing a bite of eggs.

Barry raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you guys were recording today?”

“Yep,” he said, scoffing down a few more bites, “but it’s all good. I’m all refreshed and functioning on a normal sleep schedule.”

“Okay,” Barry shrugged. “I’m going to. I’ll give you a ride.”

“Cool man.”

“Just tell me when you’re ready to go.”

Danny lifted his plate, shoving the last bits of egg into his mouth. “Now?” he asked, mouth full.

Barry shrugged again. “Sure.”

“Alright, just a sec.”

Danny headed into his room to change out of his clothes that he had been wearing for the past week. Unlike Arin, he couldn’t head into the office in just a pair of pj pants and feel comfortable. Especially not at noon.

He came back into the living room to see that Barry had taken both of their plates into the kitchen and had already cleaned his orange peels off of the table. He sighed, grabbing his green coat from the door and his Giants hat. Barry came from behind him, already wearing his shoes and pulling on his coat, keys in hand.

They nodded at each other as a sign that they were both ready to go, and stepped out of the apartment, bracing the cold and locking the door behind themselves.

The car ride was mostly quiet. The radio drowned their thoughts, keeping them peaceful. Danny stared out the window until he felt a buzz in his pocket, breaking his vision from the road. He looked down and pulled out his phone to see it was a text from Ross.

you guys going to the office??

Dan sighed.

yup.

He waited for a reply, which didn’t come until they passed Ross’s neighborhood.

Can I have a ride maybe?

Dan set down his phone and turned to Barry.

“Ross wants a ride to the office.”

“But we just passed his—”

“I know,” Dan sighed. “Let’s turn back.”

“Nah. You need to record today. Let me drop you off and pick him up. Plus, we passed a Chipotle and that got me hungry again.”

Dan’s laugh bubbled throughout the car. “You just ate!”

“Yeah, and I’m craving burritos!” Barry laughed back. “We’re closer to the space now anyway.”

Barry was right. They were there in a matter of minutes, and he would be able to get a head start on recording with Arin this way. He smiled as he stepped out of the car, thinking of his day spent with him. They’d be able to have a relaxed recording session today, and the stress of Player Select would be off of their shoulders.

Danny turned the knob as Barry pulled away, heading in and tossing his jacket in the direction of the couch. He stopped in his tracks as he heard the coat hit not the couch, but instead a lamp, smashing it to the floor. His eyes widened as he looked over, noticing not only that there was a new, and broken, lamp in the grump room, but also that the couch was missing.

In fact, a lot of things looked different than just yesterday. His eyes darted across the room, to see all of the arcade machines, desks, computers, and shelves of games to be gone. The room was empty compared to normal. The kitchen area looked mostly the same, though all of the grump art Suzy had decorated throughout the room had been missing. The tv was on the other side of the space and microphones were scattered in corners of the room. A pool ball table and a few computers replaced the furniture. It looked like a man cave, not the grump space.

And Danny had no idea why.

“God Dan, you’re such a fucking clutz,” Dan heard from someone coming out of the bathroom. Danny turned as he heard the voice. He would recognize it anywhere.

Brian.

“Damnit, I’m not wearing any shoes!” he yelled. “I hope I don’t step on any broken glass.”

Instinctively, Dan ran up to Brian, wrapping his lanky arms around his waist. “Dude, what are you doing here?” Danny asked excitedly. He hadn’t seen Brian since the last time he visited to record Peppermint Creams. Seeing him was just such a huge surprise.

“Um, hanging out?” Brian said pulling away from the hug, appearing to be just as confused as Danny. Brian bent down and pulled Dan’s jacket from the mess, shaking it off and handing it to him. Dan stared at the shorter man, as he walked back into the bathroom and pulled out the broom. “Are you just gonna stand there, or are you gonna help clean up your mess.”

Dan continued standing and staring, confused as to why Brian was standing here, in the grump space, not at all excited to see him. Brian scoffed and started sweeping the glass on the floor into a pile, unaware of anything being different.

“Is… is this a prank?” Dan asked, looking around the changed environment, and back to his bandmate.

“Is what a prank?”

Dan scoffed. “It’s not even that funny. Where are all of the games?”

Brian looked around the room, confused. “What games?”

Danny was sick of receiving questions back instead of answers. Brian did it a lot to clarify questions, but it only pissed him off. “Brian, I know you haven’t been here in awhile, but I’ve shown you the office a million times. Where are the games?”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, Dan.”

“Is Arin in on the joke? Because he’s not gonna be happy that you moved all his arcade cabinets that he spent a lot of money on. Plus he had the games organized perfectly, you probably fucked it up.”

Dan looked up at his friend and noticed just how confused he looked. Brian didn’t hold out jokes this long. He was smart, but he never planned jokes to be this elaborate. He honestly didn’t know what he was talking about. But Danny never expected his next clarifying question.

“Who’s Arin?”

Danny’s lips curled into a nervous smile. “You know, Arin Hanson. We do Game Grumps and Starbomb and—” he looked into Brian’s eyes the whole time he said it, waiting for the joke to be over; waiting for the laugh that never came, “—he’s my best friend.” Danny wasn’t smiling anymore.

Brian placed the broom against the wall, and walked to Danny slowly, placing his hand on his shoulder. Dan winced at the touch, causing Brian to just frown further.

“Dan, are you okay?”

“What the fuck is going on?” Danny whispered, mostly to himself. If this was a joke, then he was sick of it. He felt his stomach churn and questions filled his mind.

Brian squeezed his shoulder, but Danny slapped his hand away.

“Brian stop it.”

“I think you need to sit down, Dan.”

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“I’m always here, Dan. You can always talk to me. I think you need to sit—”

“Where’s Arin!” he finally yelled. It barely came out as a question, just a confused and angry string of words hanging in the air as tears began to form in his eyes. He was so confused. He looked up at Brian again, who looked hurt and worried. He could tell by looked at him that Brian wasn’t lying.

Brian had no idea who Arin was.

The door opened behind Danny, Barry stopping in his steps as he saw the lamp knocked over on the floor next to the two bandmates. “What’s going on?” He couldn’t see Dan’s face, but he could tell by the way his fists were clenched and the look on Brian’s face that something was wrong.

Brian looked at Barry, then back to Dan, unsure of what to say.

“Barry?” Danny asked through a sniffle, much quieter now.

Barry met Brian’s eyes, trying to read the situation. “Yeah, Dan?”

“Where’s Arin?”

Brian’s eyes pierced through Barry, trying to warn him not to say the wrong thing.

Barry didn’t get the message.

“Who?”

“Arin Hanson!” Dan hadn’t been this mad in a long time. He was usually the calm and collected one when things got bad. But not this time. Nothing could have been as bad as this.

Barry and Brian both stood still and silent.

“You know what?” Danny said, turning on his heel so he could see both of them. “You guys are dicks!”

He stomped towards the door.

“Dan,” Barry said, grabbing his arm. He hadn’t been able to see his face before, and could now clearly see the vein popping out his forehead and the tears staining his red cheeks. “Where are you going?”

“I’m getting out of here!” he couldn’t hide the anger anymore. Spit flew out of his mouth and his blood was boiling. The joke had gone too far.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Brian stepped closer to Dan, trying to be the voice of reason. He actually feared that Danny was going to hurt himself if he left.

Danny raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah, just try and fucking stop me.” With that, he pushed Barry away from him and slammed open the door.

Ross was walking up the driveway, carrying bags of Chipotle in one hand and his phone in the other. As he looked at Dan he froze. “Hey Danny, what’s wrong.

Dan ignored him, throwing his coat on and making his way across the street onto the sidewalk. Tears were still streaming out of his eyes, making it hard to even see at this point. He half expected one of his friends to follow him and apologize, but after five minutes he figured they probably had nothing to say to him anyway. He pulled his hat down on his forehead, hoping that no one would be as crazy as him to walk outside in 20 degree weather. He just wanted to be by himself.

No. That was wrong.

He just wanted to be with Arin.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He just needed to hear his voice. Those ficks were getting into his head, and refused to even apologize once they saw how much their stupid prank was affecting him. Danny went to his contact list.

 _Barry_.

That was the first name in his contacts. He scrolled down. Arin’s name wasn’t there at all.

He went to his texts. All of the ones from Arin deleted. Gone. _Those dicks went through a lot of trouble just for one stupid trick._

Danny wondered how they got into his phone. He wondered why they would even do that, or move all of the furniture in the grump space. Why would they want to make it look like Arin didn’t exist. Dark thoughts creeped into his mind. One thought was that maybe Arin actually just hated him and created this elaborate ruse to never see him again. But that wasn’t like him. The worst thought was that maybe they weren’t actually fucking with him.

Maybe Arin just really didn’t exist.

Panic was setting in. Danny began running. He had to see Arin. At this point he just had to know. He had to know that his friendship with Arin was real.

Wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone that's reading this so far! i love the comments and constructive criticism. i know exactly where this is going so hopefully chapters will be a little more frequent now!
> 
> edit: the weird climate thing was fixed!


	3. rough patch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // drug mention ( no use )

**December 11, 2014**

**2:45 pm**

A small house for two, with a small patch of flowers decorating the edge of foundation. He had seen the setting a thousand times before. Arin’s roommate had been responsible for the flowers, wanting to bring a nice feminine touch to their home which was constantly invaded in by the almost entirely male Grump crew. Arin didn’t broadcast it, but he actually really liked the flowers, and even had a little patch of the garden to himself, which he proudly labeled “The Chrysanthe _mans_ ”, despite there not being any chrysanthemums in the patch of flowers anyway.

He had seen the setting a thousand times before. A small house for two, with a small patch of dirt decorating the edge of foundation. Dan felt like he was going to puke. Nothing. There was nothing there but dirt. Suzy’s car was in the driveway, while Arin’s was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was on his way to the office.

Hopefully.

Suzy would be able to sort this out. She always knew when Dan had obviously had enough, always knew when the joke wasn’t funny anymore.

Then why was walking up to the door so goddamn hard?

He clenched his fists and shut his eyes. If this was a nightmare than he wanted to wake up. So far, there was no reason for him to believe he was right. Brian was in the office, and acted as if that wasn’t out of the ordinary. No one admitted to it all being a joke; no one claimed to know who Arin was. Arin’s flowers, which he was so proud of growing, were completely gone, as if they had never existed. But he wanted to be right. He would do anything to be right.

He knocked on the door, then rang the bell, afraid they wouldn’t be able to hear him. He paced on the porch, trying to calm himself. But he could feel the beat of his heart pacing throughout his entire body, and he knew he wouldn’t be calm until he saw Arin’s face again.

“Who is it?” he heard her call from the front room. It was Suzy.

“It’s me Suzy, open up!” There was a whine in his voice, that was admittedly embarrassing, but this was also urgent.

There was a slight hesitation, but Dan watched as Suzy slowly opened the door halfway, glancing up at the tall man.

“Can I help you?” There was a nervousness in her voice, and in the way she looked at him.

Dan let a deep sigh, picking at his hands. “Hey, Suze. Is Arin around?”

She lowered her eyebrows, her eyes squinting at the question. “Excuse me?”

“Please, Suzy, don’t play this game anymore. “Where the fuck is Arin?”

The woman gripped her hand on the side of the doorframe. “I think you need to leave.”

“I’m not leaving until I know where he is!”

“Leave! Now!” There was fear in her voice, but her tone was direct and clear. “I will call the police if you don’t.”

Dan stepped back. He had never seen his friend this mad before. Sure, he had seen her frustrated and nervous before, but this was different. This was a sense of hatred. “Scuze…”

“Listen!” she yelled. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you _do not know me_. I don’t care what you think. What, did we meet in a grocery store? Did you see me on a modeling site or something? That doesn’t give you the right to come to me house… to fucking stalk me!”

“But… but Suzy. Arin…”

“Who the fuck is Arin? You know what, I don’t care who that is either! Go away, now!”

Realization was starting to kick in. Suzy didn’t know who Arin was. The worst part was, she didn’t even know who Danny was. The two had been friends for years, but overnight their relationship just didn’t exist anymore. Arin doesn’t live here anymore. No–

He never lived here.

In a matter of house, Dan’s life was falling apart. There was no sign of Arin even existing, Suzy didn’t know him. His grasp on reality was crumbling around him. How could he trust anything he knew to be even real anymore?

He stepped back from the door. There was obviously a lot of anger, but looking into her eyes he could also read fear. Danny knew Suzy, or at least thought he did, better than most people, and she wouldn’t react like this for no reason. If Arin didn’t exist, which was a possibility Dan couldn’t ignore at this point, than he never would have been introduced to Suzy. No wonder she was yelling at him to get off her doorstep. To her. he was just a strange man who claimed to know her, asking questions she didn’t understand.

He tried looking her in the eyes, but found it too painful. He studied her one sock covered foot that was sticking out the door, holding back tears full of confusion and sadness.

He tried to open his mouth to speak, but his words caught in his throat. Nothing he could say could convince her to try to remember him. Nothing he could say could make this nightmare go away. No matter what, he was in the wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. His voice was weak. He couldn’t even look up at her. “I’ll leave now.”

He turned his back and began walking down the steps. He wished she would say something. Anything to make this go away.

_Its all fake!_

Silence.

_It was a joke!_

Silence.

_You’re not crazy!_

Nothing. This wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a joke, and Dan believed he might actually be… insane. He found himself living in a world with familiar faces but distinctly different memories. Slight differences that were changing his whole life.

He walked down the sidewalk, never looking back. Pulling out his phone he saw that he had seven unread messages. He decided he might as well read them. He was in the wrong afterall.

 

**[ 1:22 am ; sent from: Brian ]**

_Come back to the office_

**[ 1:26 am ; sent from Barry ]**

_Please Dan, I’m sorry._

**[ 1:27 am ; sent from Barry ]**

_Stay safe._

**[ 1:54 am ; sent from Brian ]**

_Don’t do anything stupid_

**[ 2:13 pm ; sent from Barry ]**

_Come home please._

**[ 2:18 pm ; sent from Brian ]**

_Answer your phone, now._

**[ 2:22 pm ; sent from Ross ]**

_I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED OUT ON YOU FIGHTING BARRY!!!!_

 

Danny thought back to being in the office. It had been so different, like he was in a whole other world. Brian was there. In fact, Brian was acting like he was always there instead of living over in London. Dan felt like he needed to analyze everything he knew for sure, since so many things in his life were very uncertain right now.

Arin does not exist in this world. Of that, he was almost positive, despite the fact that the thought hurt him deeply. Therefore, Game Grumps did not exist. But the grump office still existed. There aren’t any games in the office, but there is a shit-ton of recording equipment.

 _Oh shit_. Dan nearly stopped in his tracks. It’s not the Grump Space anymore. _It’s for Ninja Sex Party_.

He reread the texts. They were worried about him. Well, Barry and Brian were anyway. Ross’s text was just Ross being Ross. Plus, it was wrong. Danny hardly fought with Barry, if anything he fought with Brian. Why would Ross think that…

 _Oh shit. Again._ Dan had pushed Barry off of him when he left. Brian was likely mad at Dan and confused as to why he was acting so frantic, but Barry was more than likely actually upset. Brian’s texts were just firmly telling Dan to come home, but Barry’s were more apologetic. Almost like he blamed himself for Danny being a total jerk.

He needed to apologize.

Despite knowing that deep down he felt right, Dan couldn't help but feel guilty. In his gut, Danny knew that this world was wrong, not him. Dan didn’t think he could just make up memories of a person that didn’t exist, but he also knew that logically it would make more sense for him to have gained false memories of Arin than for everyone else to have completely forgotten about him. Dan didn’t want to accept that, though. A life without Arin wouldn’t make sense.

Even though all of that was true, Dan had to admit that he hurt the others with his outbursts. Just like he had accidently scared Suzy, he had scared them too. They were scared for him, and he had to convince them that he was actually alright.

He wasn’t actually alright, but that was besides the point.

He looked around and sighed. Arin’s house was already far from the office, and his apartment was twice as far in the opposite direction.

He thought of calling Barry. He’s who Dan would call in need of a ride, but he wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. He didn’t know how to apologize, nor how to make up an excuse for why he was acting so crazy.

He could call Brian. But that would be even weirder. He hadn’t seen the man in months. Danny couldn’t believe he was even here. Calling him for a ride would just stress him out and force him in front of a person that proved that this world was very different from his own.

He scrolled in his contacts until he reached Ross.

 

**[ 3:14 ; sent from Danny ]**

_Hey man can I get a ride?_

 

The response was almost immediate.

**[ 3:15 ; sent from Ross ]**

_Yes! Where the fuck are you?_

**[ 3:16 ; _unsent_ from Danny ]**

_I’m down the street from Suzy’s._

 

He almost sent the message, but stopped himself. Ross wouldn’t know Suzy either.

 

**[ 3:18 ; sent from Danny ]**

_I’m on the corner of the Pizza Hut._

**[ 3:19 ; sent from Ross ]**

_The good one or the bad one?_

**[ 3:20 ; sent from Danny ]**

_The really shitty one._

**[ 3:21 ; sent from Ross ]**

_Okay. Stay there._

 

Dan sat down on the curb, and counted the few cars that occasionally drove past. It seemed that no one was out today; that the whole world had stopped. Before long a car pulled around the corner into the Pizza Hut parking lot, and Ross opened his car door.

“Dude, where the hell have you been?”

Danny stood up, looking past him to make sure no one else was in the car. He wasn’t sure he could face the others right now. Ross wasn’t there to see what the others could only have viewed as a full-on breakdown. Though they probably did tell him a lot of what happened.

Ross looked into Danny’s eyes. He waited for the taller man to look back at him, waited for him to be pulled back into reality. “I’m gonna drive you home.”

Danny nodded and walked toward the passenger door. The air was dead as they both sat in the car. But Ross just put the car into drive and pulled his way out of the parking lot.

“You walked all the way here?” Ross asked. He noticed the great distance as soon as Danny told him where he was, but he was more focused on getting there before Danny stormed off again.

“Yeah well, I have long legs,” he said, patting his knee.

Ross ran a hand through his hair and didn’t say anything in reply. He sighed as the stopped at a red light, despite there being no cars coming from the other direction. “You really had everyone worried. We didn’t know where you were, and with the way you… the way you left really scared the guys.”

Danny looked the other way. Ross never talked down to him. He had never been the one to make a decision that made someone like Ross feel like they had to say something. It’s been years since a friend has told him that he should be acting like an adult. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t tell that to me,” he said gripping the steering wheel. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to, all right?”

“You don’t think I know that?”

“Jesus, dude,” he chuckled, “What are you on?”

Ross’s demeanor always made everything he said sound like a joke, especially his anger. Danny waited for another laugh, but when it didn’t come he realized it was a serious question.

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Are you seriously trying to tell me that sober-Danny would yell at his friends, shove one of his best friends, and storm off without answering his phone for four hours?”

“...Ross, I haven’t partied in years, you know that.”

He sighed again. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”

Danny hated this. He hadn’t lied once. He wasn’t wrong once, did nothing that should make anyone disappointed in him, but no matter what the truth isn’t what he wanted to believe. The truth is what the majority believes. And because of that there was nothing he could say to make himself right.

“I… I won’t do it again.”

Ross nodded, confirming his own beliefs. “We’ll be here for you. All of us. Just tell us what’s going on with you man.”

When Ross pulled into Danny’s apartment, Danny took his time getting out of the car.

“Just tell them what’s going on. Do you want me to come in with you, man?”

Danny scrunched his face and nodded his head. “No.”

“Just call me if you need, dude. We’ll hang out soon. I have a convention I gotta go to soon, so I’m working a lot, but I’ll leave my phone on just for you.”

“Okay, thanks,” he said, knowing he wasn’t going to bother taking up the offer.

This story was going to work. It sucked, but it worked. He hated how quickly Ross jumped on it, how much his friends didn’t believe his version of the truth over the idea that he was on drugs again. He didn’t even have to tell Ross what he was on. He just heard drugs and linked that to being aggressive.

He hated that he knew it was going to work on the others too.

“Hey Bri,” he said opening the door, seeing he was the only one in the living room.

Brian stood up. “Where’d you go?”

“...I just had to cool my head. Ross dropped me off.”

The older man nodded.

“I’m sorry, Brian.”

“Me too.”

Danny looked down to the ground. “I’ve started using again.” Even though it was a lie, he didn’t want to know what Brian’s face looked like. Danny was nothing but a poor kid washing away his insecurities and worries with _you name it_ , depressants, stimulants, hallucinogens; anything that took him away from the world when he met Brian. He was the man who held his hand through everything when he quit, and he didn’t want to disappoint him like he did back then.

Brian walked closer to him, and before he realized what the other was doing, he was reaching his hand into Danny’s jacket pockets. He pulled out his phone, throwing it to the couch, and continued digging. Finding nothing, he stepped back and looked up at Danny. “Where is it?”

Danny held his breath and shook his head. “I don’t…”

“Dan, is it in your pants? Your shoes? Do I need to go through your room?”

“I don’t have anything!”

Brian took a step back. “Really? We’re gonna fucking do this again.”

“...No. I don’t do it here. I go to my friends house. I only do it over there.”

“Are you high right now?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? So you didn’t go to your dealer’s after you left?”

He sighed. He hated how easy lying has become. He hated how in the eyes of his friends he was suddenly a little kid again. “I’ll stop.”

He walks past Brian, pushing his hair out of his face. “I’m taking a nap. I’ll talk to Barry later.” He walks into his room, and closes the door behind him. The tears start falling again. His best friend is gone and his other friends don’t respect him anymore. Not bothering to even turn on the light, he lays down in his bed.

His best friend doesn’t exist. And right now, he doesn’t want to either.

* * *

 

He doesn’t wake up until 11 that night, and it seems like Barry is asleep in his room. He walks out to the living room, grabbing his phone which was placed on the coffee table by the couch. He takes it and head backs to his room.

He types ‘Arin Hanson’ into google. He hits his head against the headboard.

No search results.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long i'm super busy nowadays but i want to finish this. hopefully the time between chapters won't be so long anymore though


	4. lying

**December 12**

**6:50 am**

Dan didn’t sleep a wink that night. It was his own fault of course. Going to bed in the early afternoon was no way to set a normal sleep schedule for yourself. He sat awake the whole night, thinking of what it all meant. He consistently checked his contacts, every time being reminded that Arin’s name still wasn’t in there. He wanted nothing more than to just call his best friend and tell him the hell he was going through.

The only reason he got up as early as he did that morning was because the sun was peeking through his window, shining a direct light onto his pillow, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep now, even if he wanted to. He went to the bathroom, and checked himself out in the mirror. He wasn’t the old Dan that he remembered. All the old marks were still there and nothing overwhelming was different about him. But he couldn’t see the Dan that he was before this all started. He was tired and sad, worn out before the day even started. He looked like the Dan everyone else saw him as; the Dan to be disappointed in.

He felt like it too. If there was anything that made him feel as depressed as he was in his twenties then it was this. It’s not just that he had just gotten too old to party, or too smart to sit and do nothing all day but eat weed brownies. It was also that he was happier and didn’t need that crap anymore. That he had the will and the support to fight the urge.

He needed to shake this.

He walked outside the bathroom door into the hallway, staring at the door across from his own bedroom. Silently sighing to himself, he knocked on Barry’s door, and let himself in a few seconds after.

It was now or never.

His roommate looked around confused and held his phone above his face to check the time. “Is it morning?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah,” Danny scratching the back of his neck. “I can come back later if you want.”

“Nah stay,” Barry said, waving his hand forward.

Dan sat at the end of his friend’s bed. “I’m sorry for yesterday. Everything was in the heat of the moment, you know. I didn’t mean half of the stuff I said, and I know that most of it didn’t make any sense.” The apology was fast and out in the open as soon as possible. He had the rip the band-aid off if he wanted to feel better about what he had made his friends go through.

Barry sat up straighter against the wall, holding his blanket up over his chest, not letting any of the cold air touch his bare skin. “No, it’s fine. I mean… whatever, I’m just sorry we made you so mad.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“Huh? No.”

“But I pushed you, man.”

Barry sighed. “I mean, I was taken back, but I can handle it. I’m not mad at you or anything, you weren’t in your right mind. We were all just worried.”

“So… you’re not mad about the drugs?”

Barry froze. “... the what?”

Dan’s mouth opened but he couldn’t say anything. _Fuck._  “Brian didn’t tell you?” he asked, stumbling over his words.

He shook his head.

Add that to list of ways he’s fucked up in the past 24 hours. _Maybe I’m being punished for being such a fuck-up of a human being._

“Okay well, I’ve started using again,” he shrugged. It was hard to sell the lie since he couldn’t feel bad for something he hadn’t actually done.

“Using _what_?”

 _You have to sell this. It’s the only way they won’t think you’re crazy._  “You know… everything. I don’t ask questions, I just take what’s given to me in my hand.” He remember’s a very similar conversation to this he had with Brian 6 years ago. The only difference was back then he wasn’t embarrassed by what he had been doing.

Barry put his head in his knees. “I need time to process this.”

“Okay… yeah man.” Standing up, he scrunched his face, angry at himself that he was hurting everyone around him. “Hey, I’ll make us breakfast. Don’t worry so much about it all, dude.”

Barry lied back down. “I’ll come out later. I didn’t catch a lot of sleep last night, you know?”

Dan had a hunch that he slept a lot longer than he did, especially since he hadn’t heard Danny coming out to get his phone last night, but he wasn’t going to push it. He walked out and back into his own room. Everyone was so disappointed in him, but he didn’t do anything wrong. He already proved himself time and time again that he wasn’t in that pit of his life anymore, and he wasn’t going to waste his life away. He hated that Barry was mad at him, even though the only thing he had done wrong was lie.

He sat on his bed, and shook his head. This wasn’t fair. Taking out his phone again he checked his contacts.

No Arin.

Without thinking, he threw his phone across the room as hard as he could. His fists clenched, he let out a loud yell that could probably be heard through the walls of his neighbors, but he didn’t care. The phone thudded against the front of his bookshelf, causing a whole set of books and knick-knacks piling up on the edge fall to the floor. He was ugly-crying at this point. He tried to shake it away, but there was nothing that could fill the emptiness he felt in his chest. Having a person ripped from you, without any explanation, it was an unexplainable feeling. He lost not only the person in his life that he trusted the most, but the support of friends who should be helping him.

He stood and picked up the books from the floor. Through tears he could barely see the covers of the books that he had spent so many hours reading, bending the cover back a little too far and underlining the parts that spoke the most to him. The had been on the front of his shelf because they were his favorites.

But as he was setting them back on the shelf and putting his now cracked phone into his pocket, he noticed one felt different. He wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt and saw something he couldn’t believe. This wasn’t a book.

It was a game. And not just any old game. This was Arin’s copy of Sonic Boom. The game they had recorded the last time Danny was at the office. They had recorded a few episodes, rushing to get them done so they could video chat with Brian about the Player Select album.

This was proof that Arin existed. Because Dan didn’t care what kind of fucked up universe this was, because without Game Grumps there was no way in hell Danny would ever buy a copy of Sonic _motherfuckin’_  Boom.

He stared at the case astonished. There was no way he could prove that it was Arin’s copy, but there was no way that he would just have his own.

This was a sign.

He opened the case excitedly, his large thumbs and anxiousness making it slightly difficult. He ran to the living room, sliding on his knees in front of the television. He took out the disk and slid it into the Wii U. He grabbed the gamepad and sat on the couch.

Finally. This was something that proved he existed. He wouldn’t have to lie about having a drug problem anymore. This proved that Arin was real. There would be no way in hell that Danny would have bought this piece of shit game if it weren’t for Arin starting Game Grumps. And to think he hated this game.

The start screen appeared, and he had never felt more happy to see the shitty three fonts that smashed together to make this game. He quickly hit start and went to the first save file. If the game was in the same place as when they left off in their last session, then he would be able to know for sure that this wasn’t just some weird coincidence.

The screen went black, and Dan at first just thought the game was taking a long time to load. It wasn’t until he saw a strange word in all caps fill the screen.

‘LOCKED’.

He leaned forward in his seat. What? That wasn’t a part of this game. That wasn’t normal at all. He tried pressing all of the buttons on the gamepad in a rush to get the word to go away. But no matter what he pressed, the word didn’t go away. He was locked out.

Of the game? No.

Of his old life.

But there had to be a reason that the game was in his room, right? There had to be a reason that this was happening to him.

He heard a door slowly open and Barry slowly making his way out of his room. Upon seeing Dan sitting on the couch the man froze and looked at the ground, avoiding his gaze, then turning around and going back into his room.

Danny put his hands over his face. The urge to throw the gamepad at the TV was tempting, but he didn’t need to add to the property damage he had already done. His whole face scrunched and his nose crinkled, but he resisted crying again. This was all so confusing. What did it mean?

Maybe it didn’t mean anything. Arin wasn’t plopped out the universe for any special significance, and Dan wasn’t chosen for some purpose of proving he existed or bringing him back. He just remembered him because of chance. There was nothing he could do to bring him back.

Nothing. There was nothing that proved he existed. He just had to continue lying to keep everyone else blinded from the truth. Arin wasn’t real. He hated this stupid game he had to play with the universe. He couldn’t handle it anymore.

For a last time, Danny pulled out his phone and opened his contact list. But this time he wasn’t checking for Arin’s name; he didn’t need to anymore.

He texted to an old friend that he had known for years, but didn’t talk to much anymore. His phone lit up with a response almost immediately. The man smiled and stood up, throwing on a jacket and walking out the door without locking up.

_ Well at least I don’t have to lie about the drugs anymore. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I'm updating frequently look at me! Thanks for all the nice comments you guys. I promise the tag "angst with a happy ending" is /probably/ still something that's gonna be happening :3 But for now its sad, but I'll try not to leave you guys hanging with a bunch of cliff hangers for too long


	5. Instant Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: drug mention & depression

**December 12**

**11:30 pm**

There aren’t enough words in the world to explain the shame Danny feels as he walks the streets of Los Angeles in the cold of the night. He knows that his actions weren’t logical, nor were they justified.

His spirit has been ripped from him in just the past few days, and he can’t even remember what his life was like before this had all happened to him. He used to pride himself on the fact that he was much more wise and sensible than he had been in his twenties. Dan is usually the calm and collected one of the group, and was known for being the one who didn’t make heartbeat decisions. He was always the one thinking things through before doing something he would regret.

Yet, that’s the only thing he can feel. Regret and shame. He’s walking home, and he can still smell a particular stench reeking from his jacket, a reminder of everything he had done in the past few ours. His head felt fuzzy and no matter what he told himself, his best day partying is always worse than his worst day sober.

It all made sense as he was doing it. He wasn’t thinking about Arin anymore. He wasn’t thinking about how confused this new world was making him, nor how disappointed his friends were in him. But the numbness to the pain that he felt before could never amount to the embarrassment he feels right now. Danny shouldn’t be acting like a depressed and stupid kid anymore; that part of his life was long gone. The dark place he used to be in was erased by the help of his friends and the many years it took for him to become completely sober. The fact that he didn’t even need his medication anymore to deal with his depression was just one more thing that Danny used to feel good about.

Arin has always been on Dan’s good side, never saw a side of Danny that he kept hidden. Arin has seen all of Danny’s ups and downs since they met, but the great thing about his life was that the lows he experienced now were never as dark as the lows were in his twenties.

Arin represented a light in Dan’s life. Yet, all Dan could think about was how dark it was right now.

It took him awhile to find his way home. He was barely even paying attention to his surroundings, his legs were just on autopilot until he finally stepped in front of his front door. The realization hit him that he was going to have to confront his friends again. He hadn’t even checked his phone, and had a deep feeling they already knew what he had been doing today. They were going to be much more observant of any suspicious behavior since what happened yesterday.

In that case, there was no point in even lying this time.

He walks through the front door, and sees Brian sitting next to Barry on the couch of the living room. They both stop like deer caught in headlights, and look at Dan as if he were an intruder in his own home. The room is silent, and Dan can tell that they’ve just been hoping, waiting for him to come home.

Dan brushes his tangled mess of hair back in his hands, and shakily looks at the floor. He doesn’t say anything, because nothing could possibly justify what he had just come home from. He couldn’t say anything and still sound like a reasonable 35 year old man that had his life together.

He takes a few steps forward towards his room, but Brian stands up, ready to stop him before he even gets there. So he just stops in his tracks, keeping his gaze at the ground. He prepares himself for what’s about to happen.

Brian makes his way over to him, stares into eyes that refuse to look back, eyes that lost confidence before he had even walked in the door.

“Where were you?”

“Don’t treat me like a kid,” Danny says, his voice becoming more defensive. The tone wasn’t intentional, but he was pretty sure that if he dropped it he would just break down and start crying. “Please,” he says, his hands shaking by his sides, “just don’t treat me like a kid.”

“Then don’t act like one.”

That just about broke Danny’s heart.

Everything he felt compulsed to do – to break things, yell, make a scene – they were all things he would have done as a kid in this situation. He wanted to toss the blame to someone else, but stopped himself. The idea that he really was acting like a kid stopped him from making any more mistakes. He didn’t need any more reasons for Brian, or anyone else for that matter, to not trust him anymore.

“Where?” Brian repeated.

“I’m not in the mood for this right now, man.”

“And you think I am?”

 _I’m sorry for disappointing you._ “No.”

All Dan can think of is how this went all those years ago. How he would be clean for a few weeks, a few months even, but no matter what he would disappoint Brian over and over again because he just had to go and get his fix. He was young and dumb, didn’t care as much back then, but Brian cared the whole time. Even if he did have a mean way of showing it.

By the time Brian had decided to move to England, their friendship was strong enough that they knew they’d still be able to keep in touch with Skype. A bond and trust had built up over the years, and the fear Brian had that Danny would fall into old habits was a distant memory.

And that’s when Danny realized. He wasn’t just in a universe where he had never met Arin, he had never met Suzy, and Starbomb and Game Grumps didn’t exist; this was the universe in which he never gained any trust back from his friends.

And that’s why Brian never moved away.

He sighs and finally looks up into Brian’s stone blue eyes. He tries to take another step to his room, but Brian held his hand out to stop him. The older man immediately began reaching towards the other’s pocket like the day before. Danny violently steps back, not letting the other be near enough to touch him.

“I don’t have anything.”

Brian chooses not to answer, and just steps closer to him.

Danny takes another step back, his back now up against the door. He wipes his nose on his sleeve, never moving his gaze from Brian’s. He unzips his jacket, sliding it off his shoulders before tossing it to Brian. He then removed his shoes and kicked them over to the other. Brian was the first to break the icy stare, making better use of his time by checking the pockets of the jacket Danny had throw to him.

Dan was letting Brian check, but this time it was at least on his own terms. He knew the only thing Brian would find was his cellphone in his left jacket pocket. But if Brian didn’t trust him, then he guessed that he deserved it, but he wasn’t going to be treated like he was when he was a kid. Despite what Brian thought, or rather what the Brian in _this universe_  thought, Danny knew that he had fucked up, because he never would have pulled something like this if being thrown into an alternate reality didn’t already feel like a really bad acid trip that he could escape from.

He kept stripping his clothes until he was down to his boxers. He figured that was good enough, and didn’t glance at either Barry or Brian before walking past them to finally get to his room. If Barry was just going to ignore him once he got home and Brian was going to disregard everything he said anyway, then there was no point in even trying.

Dan’s head hits the pillow, but his brain doesn’t turn off. His eyes don’t even close. He just straigns and tries to listen in on what Brian and Barry must be saying to each other about him, but he can’t make out anything that they’re saying. That’s probably for the best anyway.

He can barely believe that he let himself break over the stress of just a few days. It’s not like his life hasn’t been stressful before. In fact, before this had all happened, writing the second Starbomb album might have been the most sleep-deprived and stressed Danny had ever been. But this was a different kind of stress. This was the kind of stress that made you feel guilty, the kind of stress that hurt others around you. And above all, it was confusing. For no reason, in an instant, Dan was thrown into an entirely new world, one where everyone else was in on some sick joke that didn’t make sense. A world where his best friend couldn’t comfort him when the stress got to be too much.

He hears a knock at his bedroom door. Danny doesn’t say anything, hoping that Brian would just leave him the hell alone. He already felt like a piece of shit as it was, he didn’t need any more of hearing that today.

The door opens, and he looks up to see that Ross was letting himself in.

“Hey Danny.”

“I don’t wanna do this right now, Ross.” Despite his words, Ross closes the door behind himself and sits on the edge of Dan’s bed.

“Come on, Dan.”

The older man turns over under his covers, facing the wall. “I don’t care what you have to say, man. I got the message from Brian. I fucked up and I’m a bad person.”

“No one said that.”

“They didn’t need to.”

“Come on. I might be the only person who’s a bigger dick than Brian. And not even I would think that.”

Dan stays silent.

Ross scratches the back of his head. “D’you remember yesterday?”

“Yeah Ross, I’m not a fucking idiot.”

Ross could tell that Danny pissed. That Dan didn’t want anything to do with him right now. The tone wasn’t the same as when they would playfully banter at each other, and this was a side of Danny he wasn’t used to. But walking away right now would be the worst thing he could possibly do in this situation. “No I mean… I’m here to listen, not to yell at you. You can talk to me.”

Nothing.

“I don’t know if you think we’re trying to shove you in a box, or whatever dude, but yesterday I said I’d be here for you. I’d rather you tell me, the most _I don’t give a shit and I won’t tell anyone ‘cause I don’t care_  guy in the world, then keep it bottle, man.”

Dan still doesn’t turn to face him, but nods his head, listening. “Okay.”

“So tell me what’s up, man.”

Dan doesn’t know what to say. Ross is usually terrible at being nice; at being a friend you can lean on. But he’s opening up, letting Danny get everything off his chest, when he actually really needs it. For half a second he thinks it’s the alternate reality,  the slight changes in the way people think of him that’s changing Ross’s personality. But no, he’s pretty sure this is what Ross would actually do. He may act like a dick in front of everyone else, but once the cameras are off, he can be nice when you least expect it. The fact that Ross actually cares really touches him. Brian obviously really cares too, in his own way, just in a way that’s totally humiliating and condescending. But Ross is caring in a way that actually feels like helping. He can’t help but feel appreciative.

Danny doesn’t know where to begin. His word-choice means everything when letting go of his emotions of the things he’s been through in the past two days.

“I… I’ve been really stressed lately. A lot of different things have been causing it. I’ve been so caught up in work and people, and… ugh this is so hard.”

Ross nods, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to commentate, just listen to what Danny has to say.

“You know, I wasn’t even high yesterday. Everyone found out about my _problem_ , which wasn’t even what got me caught. I haven’t been more fucked up than today. Yesterday I was completely fine.”

Ross’s curiosity gets the better of him. “Then what happened yesterday?”

“Besides what Bri and Bar already told you? I was just – I was just so fucking angry, man. I don’t think I’ve ever been that mad.” He pulls his covers tighter around his own shoulder, remembering the rage he felt that day. “I’m pretty sure Barry hate me.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“And Brian is so…” Danny’s eyes start filling with tears, but he tries to hold them back and to keep his voice strong. He hopes that Ross won’t be able to notice the waver in his voice that begins to take over. “He’s so disappointed in me.”

Ross doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t think I know what’s real or not anymore.” He lets it slip, but doesn’t try to cover his mistake as the whisper leaves his mouth. It’s a completely honest statement. He’s never been more confused about reality than he has been in the past two days. And the fact that it’s starting to become normal to him that he is confused only upsets him more.

“What do you mean?” Ross asks, pushing Danny to say more.

“Arin.” He says, mostly to himself. At this point, the tears are flowing heavily, and Dan no longer control of his emotions or the words coming from him. “Arin was supposed to be at the office. He’s supposed to be _here_ , because… because he’s my best friend. And now, he’s fucking abandoned me. He’s gone. And no one gets how much I miss him, how much I… God, I love him.” His words are barely comprehensible anymore, but he just keeps letting it all poor out of him. “Everyone’s concerned with me, but they should be concerned about where he is, because he’s missing. Posters should be hanging up that say ' _Arin Hanson: missing_ ', but instead we’re all talking about me. This isn’t about me. This is about him.”

Danny can’t even tell what he’s saying anymore. He sounds crazy, he just knows it. He can’t tell what Ross is thinking as embarrassment grows and red flows to his cheeks.

“Arin Hanson?” Ross asks confused.

Danny sits up, finally facing Ross for the first time since he entered the room. He needs to apologize. He let out too much on Ross at once. It wasn’t right for him to relieve all of his stress on him, especially since the man would have nothing to offer as comfort.

“Dude, I didn’t… just forget I said anything. I didn’t mean everything -”

“Arin Hanson. You mean the animator guy from Newgrounds?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry


	6. lock and key

**December 13**

**12:16 am**

Dan couldn’t have possibly heard Ross correctly. He looks up and stares intensely at his Australian friend, the tears on his face beginning to dry and his hair coming off his head in every direction. But Ross had the same look of confusion on his face as Danny did.

He _knows_. Ross may not understand why Danny is freaking out, but he knows. He knows who Arin is. Danny is speechless, shaking while staring at the other. Ross wasn’t there when he had his freak out at the office. He had only heard the story from the others; only heard that Danny had freaked out about someone who didn’t exist. But for whatever reason the stars lined up in the universe so that when Dan finally broke down, the one person also connected somehow to Arin wasn’t there to witness it happen.

Dan lets out a deep sigh, realizing that he had been holding his breath from shock. “Say that again. Please.”

Ross looked down at his hands, and took a minute before he spoke as if he had just said something he shouldn’t have and didn’t want to repeat it. “Arin Hanson, right? Egoraptor. That’s the one guy from Newgrounds.”

Dan didn’t understand. He had searched his name and everything. Something should have come up…

“How do _you_ know him? He only goes by Egoraptor online, for the most part. He’s not even that popular. I only recognize the name because I’ve been talking about meeting up with him at a convention tomorrow and —”

“A convention tomorrow? You have to take me with you!” Danny’s eyes were wide and begging.

Ross shook his head, ignoring him. “Danny, you’ve been going through a lot of shit lately. You’re confused okay. I don’t know how you heard that name or what you think is happening. You probably just spent too long on the internet and Arin’s name stuck in your head for whatever reason.” 

Danny shook his head. _You’re wrong_.

“You shouldn’t go anywhere until you clear your head okay. I’m telling you that as a friend.” 

Dan wants to argue. Because he knows Ross is wrong. He’s not confused.

This is the clearest his head has felt in days.

“—Do you understand Danny?”

He finally looked at Ross again. “Y-yes.”

“You don’t know anyone named Arin. Your mind is playing tricks on you.”

Dan had spent the past few days questioning that. Wondering if he really was just crazy; remembering a life that wasn’t real to make him feel better about this one. But Arin — he was one of the greatest things that had ever happened to him. He loved him. The emotion he felt couldn’t be fake.

Danny nods. “You’re right Ross. Maybe you’ve talked about him before?”

“What?”

“That could be what got the name stuck in my head. You just ramble man, maybe you talked about meeting him.” 

Ross nods his head. “Feel better Dan. I’ll see you soon. Call me if you need anything.” 

“Got it.”

“Get some rest buddy.” Ross stands up, saying his final goodbye before finally leaving Danny alone. 

Dan waits until he hears the front door of the apartment close before he sits up against his headboard and opens his phone. 

_Conventions near LA_

He finds a website listing all of the conventions in the area, and finds the closest one for tomorrow, hoping to god that there wouldn’t be two conventions in one day. He maps the location and finds that it’s only a 20 minute drive. A plan was forming; and no one could stop him. 

 

* * *

 

Danny barely slept that night. It was 7 when he woke up. He walked out of his room, feeling better than he had felt in a long time. The convention still wasn’t for a few hours, and he couldn’t wait for these meaningless hours without Arin to pass.

His eyes widened as he saw Brian sleeping on the couch in their living room. Upon stopping, Brian looked up, eyeing Dan.

“What are you doing here?” 

Brian yawned as he sat up. “I can’t believe I fell asleep,” he looked at the clock on the wall, then back down to an uneaten orange on the coffee table. “Breakfast?” 

“What are you doing here?” he repeated. 

Brian sighs, picking up the orange, choosing to peel and eat it himself. “Why do you think?” he said, eyeing the door.

“...I’m on lock-down?”

Brian shrugs. “Call it what you want, I guess.” 

For a split second, Dan wanted to punch Brian in the jaw. He wasn’t a child, he wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t until Brian came here that he even fell back into drugs. Even this conversation made Dan want his fix. 

“It’s your fault that I’m like this.” 

“Really?” Brian asked. “Because I could say the same to you.” 

Dan clenched his jaw. He was going to see Arin today. He wasn’t going to let Brian stop him. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him kill his mood. 

“Hate me Danny. But until you get your shit together you’re not going through that door.” 

_Lock-down_. 

Danny thinks back to the weird lock on Sonic Boom. He couldn’t play it. Just like he couldn’t get around Brian. He needed a key.

And that key was Arin. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 5/26/2016: To be finished tonight. Thank you for baring with me. All of your comments have made me come back to this fic. Thank god I had notes for what I wanted to happen or else I would be completely lost. Enjoy reading!


	7. sneaking around

**December 13**

**7:08 am**

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Only slept like 5 hours, so I’m gonna go back to bed.”

It takes Danny no time to turn right back around and go to his room as Brian nodded his head, seemingly happy that Dan was going to do something that was good for him for once. If Brian was going to play this game, then he could too. He hated lying, but this time it was necessary. He grabs his phone and quickly changes after he closes the door, being as silent as physically possible. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that he had woken up so early; since he was going to have to walk to the convention if he wanted to leave without people finding out too quickly.

All Dan could think about was how excited he was to see Arin. Ross had said it himself — Arin is an animator on Newgrounds. He may have not started Game Grumps, or knew his friends the way that Danny did, but he was a person. He existed. And maybe if he was the only one who remembered Arin… well maybe Arin would remember Danny too.

Dan’s eyes flashed over to the copy of Sonic Boom he still had sitting on the shelf. It was connected to Arin somehow. Dan wouldn’t play such a terrible game unless his best friend was there with him. He grabbed it for good measure and shoved it into the large pockets that his baggy pants always seemed to grant him. It might not be a bad idea; if this game is the lock, then Arin would have to be the key. The key to end all of this.

Dan waits only until he feels like Brian wouldn’t expect him to be awake anymore to jump out of his window. Thank god he lived on the first floor. But it wouldn’t have mattered. No matter what he would have found a way out of Brian’s “lock-down”.

Brian only cared about him. But the way he did it was far from funny, and Danny needed to help himself. Something that Brian, at least the version of Brian that doesn’t know Arin and lives in Los Angeles, could understand.

The walk to the convention was a long, _long_ stretch. It was only supposed to be a 20 minute drive, meaning that it was about a 2 hour walk, even with his long legs. And he made sure to take side streets most of the way so that if someone had noticed he wasn’t home then they wouldn’t be able to find him, making the trip only longer.

He checks his phone occasionally as he walks, but he doesn’t get any texts from Brian, so he assumes he’s in the clear.

He shows up at the convention only a bit after it had started. Despite that, it appeared to be packed. It was a convention in Los Angeles on a Saturday after all. The only thing Danny had to worry about from here on out was Ross catching him at the convention. But there was probably over a thousand people here. How could Ross possible find him?

How could he possibly find Arin?

He rushed the thought out of his head. Positive thinking. That’s how he was going to get through this.

He walked up to the ticket stand and was happy to see there was still general admission tickets being sold. The woman selling tickets told him how they were going fast, and that he was lucky that he had arrived early to purchase it at the door.

He thought about how stupid that would have been. If he had walked all the way here and wasn’t even able to get in. But no, things were going his way — which meant that this had to go well. It just had to.

Walking in, he looked around at all the people. Many people were wearing all kinds of cosplay and nerdy shirts. It’s not like Danny was the only one not fitting in exactly, but it was weird being at a convention on the other side of things. In a sense, he was only here as a fan, walking through the ground floor. People didn’t recognize him as “not-so-grump” anymore.  At least he wouldn’t be stopped from doing what he came here to do.

He looked up and his heart stopped. At a booth, only 10 feet away.

“Arin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters but quick updates - that's okay right?


End file.
